How to attract the Real Love

If you’ve been online dating for any amount of time, you’ve seen bad profiles. They’re either sparse, copied from someone more clever, use The Office as a character trait, or are completely blank. Then, you come across the perfect profile. It might be five words, three paragraphs, or a hilarious photo, but either way, you’re in stitches. We’ve scoured the internet (and the best dating apps) to pull together a list of some of the funniest dating profiles.

The Truth

You’re smart. This ain’t your first rodeo. And You’re not about to fall for the preposterous claims made by so many of the profiles on this site. So here’s a refreshing perspective—the truth.

I pay my mortgage. I wear socks that match. I’m an honest man, with a decent career and strong values. So While I could regale you with stories of my trips to Paris or how I resemble Ryan Gosling…I know that good communication’s a foundation for every relationship. So if we’re on the same wavelength, follow me to be connected...


I am a rocket scientist. I’ve appeared on the cover of GQ—twice. And after mastering Italian, I became an international super spy. Right now, I’m yachting my way across the Caribbean, stealing top-secret information, and sipping mai tais…shaken, not stirred.

Okay, fine. I exaggerated just a smidge. But I do like a good mai tai and I got a B+ in my 5th-grade science class.

If you love philosophy and like to exaggerate your communication, try describing the real you.


“He’s a beast…in the kitchen” – Food & Wine

“Our go-to guy for fashion advice” – GQ

“I wish he was my personal trainer.” – The Hulk

“God made him so firemen would have a hero” – every fireman ever

“I’m so glad she followed me” – your mom

What else do you need to know?

Just Like That

Married with a baby on the way. Prefer the term “collector” to “hoarder.” Bonus points if you can look after my gerbil collection. And: Just for Info! A single consultant who loves surfing. Into daily exercise so I don’t feel guilty when I grab an ice cream.

Your turn…Do you prefer swimming, dancing, or a 24-hour Netflix marathon?

If you are spending a lot of time just thinking, you will be single all your life, upload about yourself, and start browsing.